Between Guidance and Control: The Parent’s Role

 


In the movie 'Superman (2025)' there’s a scene that quietly reframes the role of parents. Superman, devastated by the revelation that his Kryptonian parents sent him to Earth, not to save but to rule; sits at his adoptive parents’ house in despair. “I am not who I thought I was! They sent me here to hurt people,” he says.  

His adoptive father responds with words that cut through generations of parenting philosophies: “Parents aren’t for telling their children who they’re supposed to be. We’re here to give you all tools, help you make fools of yourselves all on your own. Your choices, your actions, that’s what makes you who you are.”

This perspective casts parents as facilitators—providers of tools, values and resilience, rather than sculptors of destiny. Children are given space to stumble, to experiment, to define themselves through choices. Mistakes aren’t failures; they’re part of the becoming.

Superman’s adoptive father embodies this model. He doesn’t dictate Superman, who he should be; rather he reminds him that identity is forged in the crucible of action, not inherited scripts.

In contrast, many Asian societies often embrace a sculptor-style of parenting. Here, parents decide the contours of their children’s lives—careers, paths, even identities—long before the children themselves can explore. The sculptor seeks security, stability and success, but sometimes at the cost of individuality.

This model can produce discipline and achievement, but it risks silencing the child’s own/inner voice. It assumes identity is something carved by another’s hand, rather than, discovered through lived experiences.

Superman’s struggle mirrors this cultural tension. Do we inherit identities carved for us or do we build them through our own choices? The facilitator model trusts the child’s journey; the sculptor model secures the child’s future. Both carry weight, but the balance lies in recognizing that while parents can hand down tools and values, the ultimate act of becoming rests with the child.

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